Your career won’t wake up in the morning and tell you it doesn’t love you anymore, unlike a man.

i’ve told this to myself a thousand times before, yet I seem to never get it stuck in my mind. I told myself that this time would be different. That i wouldn’t give up any opportunities for anyone, especially not a man. But of course, here I am. Why didn’t i leave when i had the chance? Why did i put myself through a years worths of a job that i absolutely loathe? Of course, it’s no one’s fault but my own. I should have been able to stick to the promise that I made myself. i just thought..well,I just thought that you would be worth staying for. And now i see, that maybe I was wrong. Maybe i should have been selfish and gone, but I wanted things to workout between us. I wanted there to be an US. I didn’t want to just up and leave when we just started. I was already starting to feel things for you that i had never felt before…This, I repeat, is of course my fault (no sarcasm) it was and still is my ultimate decision. 

things just always seem to fluctuate, and i just don’t know where I stand.

a friend once told me “you seem to always put him before yourself, why don’t you be more selfish? it’s okay to be selfish when it comes to you and your future..cause you don’t know if he will even be in it”

lessons are learned everyday.

“never failures, always lessons”